Wedding tips, suggestions, do's, don'ts, avoid at all costs.

Over the years as a semi-passive observer of weddings I have witnessed how to do weddings right and how things can go wrong. I'd like you to have the benefit of my experience and perhaps that will help you on your big day...

Keep it (everything) as simple as possible. Stick with the basics in the ceremony and reception and you have won half the battle. In one instance I watched a DJ take over thirty minutes to explain something that lasted two minutes to a wedding party, and even then they didn't get it. I recently watched one brides mother spend more than an hour trying to make sure decorative ribbons were all the same length, I hated to tell her, but it did not make any visable different and she was late getting dressed for the wedding. On the other hand I have seen some successfull things done to, ask me and I will explain in person. It is real easy to go overboard or lose sight of what really matters. Deciding what is most important is a good start.

Avoid being a 'Bridezilla', one of my favorite new shoes is Bridezilla...on some cable channel. Every bride to be should watch this show and learn from it. Learn what 'not' to do. My favorite was the bride an hour and a half late to her own wedding and then was mad because the priest shortend the ceremony. A really great litmus test is your fiance, if he is looking at you like you have lost your mind, it is time to take a step back and take a deep breath. Remember the first lesson, keep it simple, that will help tremendously. Being so nerved up that you make your self ill or cannot begin to enjoy your own wedding...well, that is just not what it is supposed to be about.

A new problem that I have identified and want to deal with is that of the bride and groom lacking the patience it takes to get through a wedding day, not to mention the photography. Again, it is so important to sit down with your photographer and go through the day, so you all know what to expect. It makes no sense to me, to pay someone like me a lot of money and then to turn around and not want to do pictures, or cut them short. You only hurt yourself and your wedding images, its your memories. If you want to pay me to do nothing, fine...it is your nickel. But there is no going back and complaining later, I won't listen. Believe me, this has happened more than once. If you ignore my professional advise, then you are in no position to be angry or want money back because pictures that I wanted to do and you didn't are not in your wedding book. I know, it completely lacks logic, but there you go. Be patient, listen to me, follow my instructions and you'll get through your day faster, with less trouble and with better pictures. Also, if you don't have the patience to wait for things to happen, call someone else. Lately I've run into couples who will arbitrarily decide how long they should have to wait for reprints or anything. For the life of me I cannot understand how they can do that. Sometimes things take time and often I will work on prints to make them be as good as they can be. It is not all just whiz, bang, boom, I wave my magic wand and a wedding album appears.

Do, plan your day. Not just the basic's like hiring a photographer, booking a reception hall, choosing a dress or tux. You have to plan the day, that is figure out how much time everything is going to take. One of the biggest problems I have to face is a wedding couple that have not allowed time for the photography, or travel, meeting and greeting guests or just plain getting dressed and ready for the wedding. That is why it is really important to sit down with your photographer to find out how much time he/she needs. I can usually tell you within a few minutes how much time I need to get the job you hired me to do done. It is a real shame to throw away a major section of your wedding photos because you did not plan in the time. This happens to me way to often.

Don't, expect your plans to go perfectly, it never happens. There will always be something unexpected happening and you can't let it ruin your day. Believe me, I have seen brides and grooms lose it for very minor things. I once watched a bride and her mother take turns cursing and screaming over the phone at the baker because something was not exactly as they wanted on the cake...in front of everyone at the reception. You have to take the day in stride. But when things do go haywire, well that is were I step in, because I am not so emotionally attached and have so many varied wedding experiences, not much is going to rattle me and I can pull you back to where your supposed to be. Being able to think on my feet ( I think) is one of my greatest assets.

This one is for the mom's. If a member of the wedding party is late, they get stuck in traffic or have a flat tire or are irresponsible. If it rains or storms. If the flowers are late. If the limo is late, or the hair dressor takes too long. It is NOT MY FAULT. I have no God like power and I do not control weather or traffic. I once had a mother insist on my plan of action should I be killed in a car crash on the way to the wedding. "If you got into an accident and got killed on the way to the wedding, who would show up and take over for you?" How do you answer that? Time for a reality check I guess. It turns out she had been asked to leave by more than one photographer, her daughter was pissed. How can anyone expect another human to guarantee that a disaster won't happen? "Oh no mam...I promise no tornado's on your daughters wedding day, no floods, no earthquakes, no blizzards, no hurricanes, no tsunami's, no asteroids, no terrorists, no wars, (on and on)" Give me a break!

Don't change your plans during the big day. Except for weather related issues, it is a really bad idea to make snap decisions. This has happened more than once and without exception the couples regretted it later. Limo and Bus Drivers get paid to wait around. That is part of their job. Don't decide to stop doing pictures so they don't have to wait. This happens to me once or twice a year.

Don't be in a hurry to leave, let me finish my job, you only get one shot at a wedding day, I will do my best to get it all on film...relax, be patient...the bar will still be there and they won't run out of beer. Party-ing is fine, I am not going to preach (too much), remember your guests. People that made plans, bought gifts and traveled to be at and a part of your wedding are not to be overlooked. The most extreme case of this was a wedding several years ago, the bride and groom went bar hopping, they were two hours late to their reception. Showed up drunk, were upset that their guests ate without them, sat down at the bar, forgot about diner and drank more. Oh, and they also missed out on one quarter of their wedding pictures. I was really glad to be done with that one. At another wedding the brides sister/ maid of honor was so drunk when she got to the reception she could not walk on her own, I had to help her in.

Do, your pictures before the wedding. Forget the 'bride and groom not seeing each other', the plain simple truth is that you will have better pictures. There are two major advantages, one is everyone is just dressed, hair just fixed, looking their best. Number two is that there is no one else there, fewer interuptions. Less chaos means more and better photo's. I think that in this day and age we can dispense with superstition, lets make the day as stress free and fun as possible.

Don't, have people in your wedding party if you know they are not dependable (or responsible). If one of your best friends cannot be on time to save his/her own life then invite them as a guest and leave them out of the wedding party. I know it sounds cruel but I have seen dozens of weddings (nearly) ruined by one of these people. Either being late, forgetful, thoughtless or drunk. Later at the reception there is time for that stuff, but at the church with so many depending on each other there is just not much margine for error. It is not just groomsmen it can be anyone associated with the wedding party. At a recent wedding one bridesmaid was late, we were supposed to be done with pictures and she was just getting dressed...and we had wedding guests standing in the rain waiting to get into the church. She cost the bride and groom 1/3 of their wedding images, and she could not have cared less. You have to be brutally honest with yourself and in your evaluation of your wedding party.

Do, eat before you get dressed. Have light snacks and water or soda available. Passing out before you get to the recpection does not make for a special wedding day. On hot summer days you need lots of water. I have seen more than one bride and groom ill and one bride nearly pass out. When standing during the wedding, never, ever lock your knee's...you'll be passing out in no time.

Don't, stay up all night the night before the wedding. Set a curfew, get to bed and rest, even if you don't sleep. Save your energy for the wedding day and dance. I have witnessed more than one bride and groom falling asleep at the diner table. It is a long day, be prepared. Also don't get up too early, if your hair dressor can only get you in at six a.m. then find someone else, start your day like an ordinary day. I know in our rural area this can be a problem, but I noticed it being a problem for brides in the last year or so. By three or four in the afternoon they are completely exhausted and start looking at me and saying, "when are we going to be done with pictures?".

Do. remember a wedding day is supposed to be fun. That is an easy lesson to lose sight of. Leave your valuables locked up, don't bring anything to the church or reception that you don't need. I did one wedding were the wedding party spent part of the reception at the police station trying to identify items that were stolen during the ceremony. Plan in time to relax.

Don't put kids in a wedding if they are too little. Any little one less than four years old and you are begging for trouble. Five to ten is a much better range, they will be physically and emotionaly capable of dealing with the event. I have seen couples try to send one year olds down the isle (that could barely walk). Plus little kids will slow down your wedding photography, I find I spend more time trying to get them to even look at the camera than it takes to do whole portions of your wedding photos. We can easily forget or overlook how much pressure there can be on kids in a wedding party. On a one to one basis I can usually get the photos I want, but in a large group, lots of people, lots of lights and everyone expecting you to stand there and smile. Most of the time it is too much.

Look at each other when ever possible, hold hands when ever possible, touch each other, be close, smile at each other, I'm in the back with a great big lense watching. But you would be amazed at how many weddings I have done where at least either the bride or groom do not smile. I have had grooms refuse to smile for their wedding pictures. Would you like to see his wifes reaction when looking and the proof books. Hint...here is her thought..."What? Are'nt you happy to be married to me?" Suck it in and smile, you'll be happier later.

When lighting the unity candles, if at all possible turn towards your guests so that they can see the candles Also, when lighting the candles hold your inside hands together and light with the outside hands. When your done with that before moving look at each other for a few seconds.

After the end of the ceremony and the big final kiss, when walking down the isle stop and kiss a couple of times...your guests will love it.

Setting up the wedding cake. When you have your baker (and or reception hall) set up the cake, be sure they allow room for pictures. Most people (not thinking of the photography) will put the cake in the middle of the table, the worst possible spot for good pics. For a small table it is not a problem, with larger tables the cake needs to be near the edge so that you can get close enough to cut the cake. And we need room around the cake also, putting it up against a wall is also the worst possible location to get good pictures. Please talk to me about it's location.

Get musicians and singers that can really play and sing. Even if your best friend volunteers as a special gift, if he/she can't sing, politley tell them 'no'. Once again you need to be brutally honest, I have been at dozens of weddings that were nearly ruined by bad music, really bad music. Audition them, if the organist can't play "The Wedding March" correctly find someone who can. A few extra dollars there can really pay off on your wedding day. Make sure they rehearse before the wedding day. Many a wedding have I done were the singers and musicians tried to work out parts minutes before trying to perform them for a full church, it just does not work. Before going into photography I had worked as a professional musician and I studied music composition in college (along with photography) , so I know good music and good musicians when I hear them. Good music can really make a wedding wonderfully moving. I know good musicians, if needed I can help, they are pro's and not cheap, but if you want music that will move you and your guests to tears or give you lumps in your throat(s). I know who to call.

Also audition your DJ, take the time to go see him/her at another wedding before booking them. Do they have good equipment? A large selection of music? Are they capable of leading an audience? Are they fun? I have seen very good DJ's and horrible DJ's, don't let someone who is mediocre ruin your wedding dance. If you can swing it, get a real band. Now days real music is the classy move.

If you hire a wedding coordinator, make sure they contact me before the wedding. Some of the worst hassels I've had at weddings was with the wedding coordinators. For some reason each of them seems to think we can do an hours worth of photography in ten minutes and that they always have the last say. Remember they work for you. Don't forget, your paying me (probably) at lot more, and when the day is over she will be forgotten, but your pictures will last for generations.

Brides and bridesmaids! Body glitter...it may look good on you in person, on film it looks like you are covered in dust spots...it looks horrible and is a nightmare to remove. For the best photos forget that stuff, or at least put it on after we are done with the photos.

A few years ago it occured to me that one of the problems I have run across with brides is that of meeting the expectations of their 'dream wedding'. It is a daunting task and more than one bride has been surprised (or perhaps 'taken aback') when I explain the practical application(s) of their dream wedding. I have to be practical about weddings, there is only so much time I am allowed to work. Some have taken that as an unwillingness on my part to do the photographs that they want. Which is not the case at all. It all really boils down to time (or lack there of). For example, a bride once wanted me to recreate a shot she saw in a magazine. I explained to her that it would be very easy to spend an hour doing a shot like that, one hour on just one picture! And then there can be no guarantee that it will come out. One thing that has to be kept in mind, is many of those pictures you see published are 'one in a million' shots. And that everyone has their own talents and expertise. I have met many a photographer who only shows you their very best pictures, which is okay, you expect it and must understand that. I am more than willing to show a whole wedding, you get to see everything the good and sometimes the not so good. I would rather be honest and sell you my true ability rather than a supposed potential. It would kill me to have someone think that I did not give my all or I tried to hide something.

But time is everything and you must always keep in mind how much time is needed for everything that happens on a wedding day. For the bride there is the option of doing bridal portraits before the wedding day. Even then, there still is a finite amount of time on the wedding day and that is what turns in to the 'practical barrier'. Who wants to start with wedding portraits early in the morning hours before the wedding? Or spend most of their reception doing pictures. I love to do weddings but I also still have a life and a family. So I like to, and try to strike a balance. Plus I fully understand what a pain it can be to have a guy like me in your face all day going "Smile", I believe that if we can get our parts done and down on film then I can, should, and do, get out of your face so you can enjoy your day.

Do remember, I am not a mind reader, no clarvoiance, no ESP, no tarot cards. Tell me what you want. Do remember to tell me if you change your plans. I have now shown up at two weddings that were cancelled and the couple never bothered to tell me, and then they were surprised that I was upset. I have also gone to weddings to find that all the times have changed, again without informing me prior to the day. When you have to coordinate employee's, travel and baby sitters this can cause major headaches. On one particular wedding the bride planned in hayride, without informing me, the hayride lasted untill the first bar, meanwhile I, the parents, the grandparents and families are left waiting. I had to rush to finish since I had another booking to photograph once they came back to the church. And then somehow the brides mother decided that everything that went wrong was my fault. It has been years since, and I am still trying to figure that one out.

Brides imagine their dream weddings, they do, it is social issue and they way they are raised. It is impossible for myself or any groom to fully understand what that dream wedding is. In fact very few brides can successfully articulate their desires. I am not sure, but I don't think the words even exsist. Do the best you can, but try to tell me if there is something you want. It may be silly or it may be impractical, but then again it may be really easy and really cool.

Don't drink and drive, don't have open intoxicants in public. Get a limo or a bus...they are cheap compared to a trip to the hospital or jail. There is one wedding party that owes me for saving them $125 each for having an open beer in a city park. Fortuneately I new the officer that showed up and was able to save them each a ticket. There are lots of police officers that won't care it is your wedding day, if they see you doing something stupid while holding a beer your going to learn the hard way.

This is a new one, don't do shots! Just don't...trust me...just don't. Being a slobbering drunken fool is no way to end a wedding day.

If you make bad choices, I am not going to be your scapegoat. While do direct people when doing images, I don't control the day.

A priest from Mineral Point once joked to me, "There are only two professionals at every wedding. The Priest/Minister/Clergy and the Photographer.". I laughed but later I thought about how true that is (at least around here). That is why it is so important to talk to them to find out how things work. Being in your friends wedding last year does not make you an expert on how weddings work. Talk to the pro's. I often joke that after the first hundred or so weddings, you pretty much 'get it down'.

Relax, have fun, enjoy your guests company, be safe and live long happy lives together. The only part of the day that really matters is the ceremony and the legal papers, everything else is secondary. Officially it only takes five people for a wedding, the officant, the bride and groom and someone to stand up for you (or be your witness). Pictures, family, parents, reception, limos, party does not change or affect your vow's or your legal status or your life together. They serve to enrich that life and that is the important part.

Lastly most real professional photographers do not allow others to photograph their work, there is a reason they produce such wonderful and creative work. They have gone to classes and practiced for years, this is how they make a living, pay the bills and feed their kids. It should not come to a surprise that they (myself included) would want to protect their work. The Federal Copyright Act of 1998 even spells it out. I like to live in a real world, I don't expect people to not take pictures at weddings. But when I am doing my thing, I expect people to be considerate of my professional status and the rule of law and not jump in and photograph my work. They may have the best intentions, or have no idea that what they are doing is wrong, rude or illegal. Over the years there have been many occassions when people have stood next to me and tried to take every image I've set up and taken. Two years ago, one of the bridesmaids had her father do that, she wanted to be a wedding photographer and wanted him to get how I set everything up. Without asking me first or at all, naturally. But he was surprised and indignant when I asked him to stop. Most people are kind, considerate and understand, it is the one bad apple that ruins it for all (as usual). I've even had people go and use my equipment to take thier own images at weddings! Without asking. Some people will also think that because I have my own business and have a somewhat glamorous profession that I am rolling in cash. Which is a long, very long way from the truth. The stereotypical starving artist is much closer to the truth. I do travel on occasion, and while I don't go any more than most, the difference is my trips are much better documented and presented.

I hope you enjoyed my notes! Let me know if you do.